The three months have been a period to establish my inner relationship with God in the person of Christ. This has partly been achieved through prayers, actually the journey continues. I have discovered that my spiritual strength is entirely dependent on my regularity in prayer. Prayers, especially those personal ones, have become not just a routine but a necessity for the success of the day and other events. I have discovered that without a short prayer or a reflection before undertaking my day`s activities, these seem heavier if not complicated unlike when I prayed, they seem easier and sometimes I truly experience God`s intervention. I have had this experience in three areas of my formation here.
The first area is my family and life story. The guidance of my spiritual companion, reflection, meditation and pondering on my past, all this has really bared fruits; I experienced a forgiving and a healing God. I experienced a relief as the pain, resentments, memory of bitterness and guilt left my heart. This indeed was one of my personal objectives – to learn to forgive myself and other people, whom I feel, added some dirty water in the flow of my river of life.
Another area was, in my daily activities, the programme within the house and the apostolate at the hospital. Whenever I have a short reflection or prayer before I set off for mass and then the hospital, I encountered an enriching day of apostolate. Sometimes I even wondered how I managed with my limited Bemba language. At times the fears disappeared; patients were welcoming and opened up to me and shared their conditions` experiences, unlike when I rushed or even left the house without any kind of reflective or prayerful envisioning of the day. In this second case, the apostolate seemed boring, tiresome, patients looked indifferent and sometimes unwelcoming. I even contemplated leaving the apostolate before time (11: 00 am).
The last area is the significant experience of my relationship within and outside the house. In the house, I have accepted each individual’s uniqueness and therefore my approach has been that of awareness both of the self and others. Through awareness, I have at least been able to learn and understand how my brothers wish to be related to. This was also one of my personal objectives and it coincides with the community`s third objective (i.e. to build an intercultural Missionaries of Africa’s community based on the Gospel values). In my relations outside the house, I have tried to keep a lower attachment to friends and families in order to keep the balance between the kind of comfort I get from outside and within the house. I am certain that whenever I feel more comfortable outside this house than within, then I am likely to seek more life outside than within the novitiate. This can affect my formation all together. I strongly believe that this balance has worked and I am convinced that the three months have been beneficial to me both within and outside the community. My family back in Kenya may be far but more present in me together with the family within this community of the spiritual year. I therefore continue to pray to God that I may be able to hold on to him as I deepen my relationship with him and may he help me to be true till the end of novitiate and thereafter.